Sunday, December 11, 2005

I'm So Tired Tonight

I don't mean physically, necessarily. I mean deep down soul tired, the way I get when I think about the world too closely for too long. It just drains away whatever hope and optimism I had in me.

I'm so tired of people being violent, negligent, indifferent, and cruel to children.

I'm so sick and tired of war.

I'm so tired of the endless lies that pervade our public and private lives.

I'm so tired of religious, nationalistic, and ideological fanaticism, the source of so very much unspeakable human suffering.

I'm tired and terrified of certainty, the demon in so many people that says, "I'm right, you're wrong, and if you get in my way, I'll kill you" (or, alternatively, "Believe what I believe or you're going to hell!")

For that matter, I'm tired of people who think so badly of God that they believe in hell at all.

I'm tired of dishonesty and deceit at every level of human life.

I'm tired of ignorance, malice, and hatred masquerading as faith.

I'm tired of people assaulting each other.

I'm tired of having to be ashamed of being a member of the human species when I read our history.

I'm tired of false hope, false prophets, false "holy books", false rituals, and the inherent falsehood in all human attempts to claim "knowledge" of the inscrutable and unknowable God.

I'm tired of people interfering in the private lives of other people.

I'm tired of people busting their asses and working themselves to death for next to nothing while undeserving scumbags have wealth showered upon them.

Sometimes, I'm just tired of life.

There are only 2 or 3 of you who will see this (mostly Lance and Paul). I don't mean to be a drag. But sometimes, it's just the way I feel.

4 comments:

pablo said...

Nothing wrong with stating the way you feel. You can bet many others feel exactly the same way.

Joseph said...

Thanks, Pablo.

Anonymous said...

But, for all that, I believe that people are mostly good. It's ignorance - much more than evil - which causes so many horrors and injustices.

Ethnocentrism, fanaticism, violence... all are forms of ignorance. Often it's willful ignorance, but even that is defeatable, if the younger generations are surrounded by knowledge and tolerance.

From your blog, I see that you are an educator. I think, then, that you should be very proud of your role in the long, tortorous process. It will probably never be completed, but thank God there are still people who work towards the impossible goal.

passin' thru said...

Hang in there, JAMiller. It's obvious you care. In the end, that's what makes the difference. You just have to care as much as the self-motivated part of the population, or at least try to outnumber them.